Ugliest Production Motorcycle

I like ugly bikes. I love rat bikes, dirty rusty old shovels, resurrected garage-found CB 750's and even Moto Guzzis. My DL650 V-Strom is considered by many to be the ugliest, and for good reason. While shopping for it in '08, I discussed the V-Strom with the sales goon. I mentioned that I found it less than attractive. He kept saying things like, "Well sir, it's a purpose-built bike." and "You know, form over function." When I finally laid down the cash and signed all the papers, I asked him to give me his honest assessment of the bike's appearance. He finally admitted, "Yeah, it's pretty damn ugly."





Not to be completely outdone, Harley stuck their foot in the ugly bike gene pool with the abomination they call the Rocker. What the hell were they thinking?
The old original Super-Glide with its hideous boat-tail seat and red white and blue paint job was pretty bad too back in the day.

 

In my opinion the ugly prize goes to the Victory Vision. Victory was being optimistic in calling this thing a "Vision." Nightmare, maybe, hallucination possibly, but visions like this should be reserved for bad acid trips and horror movies. This atrocious spaceship looks like a designer, fired from NASA for failing the drug test, took an oversized '58 Cadillac tail fin and stuck an antiseptic V-twin engine in it, then wrapped it in some leftover Polaris snowmobile plastic.


The V-Strom, no beauty to be sure, is ugly due to its lack of cosmetics. In trying to differentiate themselves from Harley, the designers of the Vision and their overuse of cosmetics created a horrific, space-age nightmare.

Just my opinion, and as we all know opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and most of them stink.....
.....or have large, orange vuvuzelas hanging out of them.

Monday Badass

I'm the last to fawn over a bunch of preening, arrogant Hollywood ass-wipes, but Steve McQueen was different. Love his attitude in his DUI shot.






The consummate badass and real-life biker.

Thursday Afternoon Beer Run & the Price One Pays for Looking Sexy

It's finally warm here in the vast RedState Midwest with temperatures in the eighties. I've broken out my summer wardrobe, feeling good and looking sexy. I went for a late afternoon beer run on my trashed-out, wrecked, and recovered Superglide, like an innocent, free-spirited, fully-circumcised schoolboy, wearing hot pants, a skin-tight wife-beater, cheap sunglasses and Budweiser trucker hat. Picked up a six pack of imported Mexican beer at the local rural liquor outlet and loaded up the sissy-bar mounted backpack ready to blast home on fumes and sweat-dropped beer-bottle condensation. As I hit the solenoid starter switch, I burned my leg on the straight pipes, leaving a small hunk of burnt flesh on the blued chrome.

I've been burning my leg on the same spot for thirty f@#kin" years, and still haven't learned not to ride in shorts.

Took the whole six pack to recover from the pain, shame and anguish.

Paperback Classic

Before the internet and such spell-binding diversion as "Survivor" and "Honey Boo-Boo" people entertained themselves with thirty-five cent literature and ten cent movie matinees.

Ernie Weatherall, being a visionary, probably knew that Real Gone Guys and Dolls on Dope would never go out of style.

Quail Huntin'

If I look at this thing for more than a few seconds I get a headache.

Chicks in the Kitchen

Nice tomatoes.

Congratulations

Gloria looks remarkably well after having just given birth to an S&S Generator Shovel.

Neglected

Been so busy I've had little time for posting stupid shit on the blog.

After my trip south in March I had to work on my trucks and building some other stuff for work. After sitting around all winter, I'm now busy as hell with the good weather. Feast or famine and all that crap.

My River Rat Rigid sits as I left it, neglected, and slowly rusting on the table. I hope to make a few bucks, buy some parts, and have more time when things slack off midsummer.

Meanwhile, I will endeavor to persevere.

Monday Badass

Unsafe at any Speed

Followed this dumbass (at a safe distance) for about a mile. His trailer hitch scraped the road every time he hit the slightest bump. Don't know if he negotiated a successful turn or lost the whole load on top of a Toyota.

Be careful, they're out there!

Mailing It In

In an effort to stay consistent with the rest of this week, I'm mailing it in today.

Kitchen Cutie

I think this is my all-time favorite.

Hubba, Hubba!

Dimmer Switch

My bikes will never win awards at bike shows.

Unless there's one for the most blockheaded dimmer switch.....

or most nonexistent horn......

Or rustiest head bolts.....

Overflow

1920's.
Crates of Milwaukee Iron sitting out front of the New England Branch.

No potted ferns, forty dollar T-shirts or designer bandanas in this Harley dealership.

Monday Badass

Random Dobie in a random snowy yard where lawn furniture and yard tools never come up missing.