Thursday, February 7, 2013

Rats Rule!

I met the rider of this awesome sled somewhere outside of Rapid City shortly before Sturgis Bike Week. Daytime temperatures were 110 F in South Dakota that year so we talked for a while over coffee and Slim Jims at &;00 am, before it got too damn hot.
Rat Bikes are cool.
A brand new FLHCU Custom Ultra Electra Glide, with its GPS, AM , FM, XM, CD, iPod-ready stereo and lumbar air-ride saddle is like a gleaming glass and chrome office building. Shiny, comfortable and functional, but without a soul.
Rat Bikes are more like a graffiti-covered, inner-city, ghetto warehouse. Ugly, rusted and dangerous, oozing a mysterious and sadistic history of botched drug deals, spent 9mm shells and sex crimes.

The bike was an oil-spewing, greenhouse-gas-emitting shovel which featured a melted plastic rat on the rear cylinder air scoop, an auxiliary fuel cell and rubber dildo grips. The rider looked like the quintessential biker, pushing sixty, who was traveling with some younger dude from Denmark riding a purple Evo Softail who spoke almost no English. An unevenly-yoked pair if there ever was!

Best part was, I asked him where he was from, and he just laughed.

1 comment:

  1. On a scale of one to gay I'm pretty sure dildo handle bars surpass handlbars with ribbon streamers. I'm no expert though so dont qupte me on that.