Friday, January 25, 2013

The Genie Bra: Erotic Advertising, Back Fat and the Gullible American Public

The Genie Bra itself is a poorly designed piece of latex promising to provide a comfortable means of breast support, but like all products unavailable in stores, it is the classic “pig in a poke.” This “Exclusive T.V. Offer” must be ordered by phone without benefit of the consumer actually examining the product. Predictably it receives poor reviews from its many disappointed costumers. Its commercial success lies in the brilliance in its advertising and the gullible nature of an increasingly doltish and poorly educated American public.

I always stop what I’m doing and stare, mesmerized at the television screen for the ad’s duration, when the British announcer begins her pitch, speaking rapidly in order to excite and confuse. Subliminal images flash across the screen of Queen Elizabeth’s aged breasts swinging freely like two wrinkled mud flaps and a herd suicidal milk goats leap into the swirling waters of the River Thames.

Then the unfortunate, lonely and sex-starved MILF struggles with a conventional bra, contorting suggestively as her milky white skin is chafed and self-fondled, the scene dripping with soft-porn erotica. Order in the next twenty minutes and receive a free set of extra-support, milk-cow-rubber-double cups for that younger, perkier look, enhanced by hard liquor and Vaseline.

Big-boned, Double D Soul Sister fights mightily for respect while rolls of jelly and folded back fat find no sanctuary beneath thinly stretched and sweaty latex.


Just sixty dollars, plus $19.95 shipping and handling and a half dozen Genie Bras will be shipped directly to your door in a plain brown Gangsta’ Wrapper. Available in white, skin-tone and Shirley Temple black.

Thus the trap set. Across the country thousands of matronly, sexually frustrated women, tired of constrictive and ill-fitting brassieres and wanting desperately to believe in the promised “younger, perkier breasts,” reach for their credit cards and dial the toll-free number.

I personally love the Genie Bra commercial.


  1. These will go great with my Pajama Jeans and Snuggie.

  2. Or that pest control device that plugs into an outlet and can drive away all the rats, mice, ants and cockroaches from an entire apartment complex.

    1. I tried one of those once . . . the entire house collapsed in on itself after all the creature exited, still awaiting the outcome of litigation . . . I dare not try one of the bras mate, despite the very fetching appearance.