Friday, September 13, 2013

Beer Run

Yesterday, a cold front moved through Small Town Amërïkä. Refreshing north winds brought higher barometric pressure and clear skies. Perfect weather for baling hay and drinking beer. Every small town has a liquor store within walking distance of the surrounding trailer parks so the bitter residents who’ve lost their licenses can make their way on foot to purchase the necessary vodka and Slim Jims. In Jerkwater we have Lenny’s Liquors. A second generation establishment where the friendly gal behind the register happily bags up your purchase while calling you handsome.

The rooms above the store house a brothel by night and an illegal kidney transplant center by day. All made possible with payments made to the local constable. From the open windows a combination of stale perfume, cigarette smoke and chloroform wafts down to the street and mingles with abject desperation and discarded pizza crusts.

Last time I documented my trip to this establishment I cooked the tender skin of my right calf on the scorching hot tail pipe of my ratty big twin. Still bearing the scars from that incident, I took the Intergalactic Wart Hog with its catalyst exhaust covers, liquid cooling and plastic mud guards. I transported my precious cargo safely to the shop fridge in my aluminum top case. A true dual-sport adventure.


  1. Another small town Amerika establishment that could be anywhere... I see it like this, At least you got a place close and don't have to travel a few counties over. Also let Lenny know that someone spelled Larry's Liquor's on his window!?!? Great Stuff my good man...

  2. Damn, I was trying to be discreet for Larry's sake, what with the brothel and all. But the cat's out of the bag now!

    Could be "Harry's" or "Barry's" ?

  3. Old school liquor stores with their tiny isles and registers run by the owner's underage son are my favorite. Harry's Liquors looks like a good spot to purchase all the necessities for a romantic evening over looking the rock quarry.

  4. Chloroform, bad perfume and ciggy smoke, I love that combo, especially while having my kidney yanked out with a marlin hook . . . top job mate.

  5. hermit, i'm back in the States in three weeks time for my annual pilgramage, i'm getting a little worried about visiting the local liqour stores for my daily top-up of red wine and piss-weak budweiser, after your last couple of posts, i'm not sure what to wear, i mean, i usually wear a pair of 'old navy' cammo short's, a white 'beater' vest and low converse or flip-flop's, i've been wondering why a five-eleven, heavily tattooed, white, shaven headed english gentleman should attract so much attention in small town America? do you think i should take a more sartorial stance with my dress code? perhaps a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches, a pair of hand made 'loake' brogues, a crisp, cotton 'oxford' button-down shirt, [without cuff-links unless it's after eighteen hundred hours]and a pair of well pressed slack's? or, should i just stick to walmart for my shopping 'essentials'.......

    1. Heavily tatooed, shaven head, camo shorts? Loveless, you'll blend in perfectly in my neck of Small Town Amerika!
      Your accent, however, will be a dead giveaway.

      Plenty of piss-weak Budweiser in Larry's Liquor Store, but the red wine selection will be limited to Night Train and Thunderbird.

  6. ah hermit, if i slip into my broad derbyshire accent you want to see the reaction! in Los Angeles i ended up having to leave a Subway because they couldn't understand me! in Texas i got mistaken for a member of the Aryan Brotherhood, i frightened off a geezer who was eyeing up my girl's for a possible purse snatch by taking up a fighting stance and asking the miscreant if he 'fancied his chances' he just looked at me in horror and was away on his toe's, i've been offered a tattoo in exchange for my u.k subs t shirt, been followed to my car after a late night shopping trip by the biggest, meanest bunch of dudes who turned out to be really cool and just wanted to talk tattoos i've been searched for 'meat and fruit' entering California from Nevada, night train and thunderbird? boycott larry's and get down to walmart for a nice shiraz or merlot......