Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Ugliest Production Motorcycle



I like ugly bikes. I love rat bikes, dirty rusty old shovels, resurrected garage-found CB 750's and even Moto Guzzis. My DL650 V-Strom is considered by many to be the ugliest, and for good reason. While shopping for it in '08, I discussed the V-Strom with the sales goon. I mentioned that I found it less than attractive. He kept saying things like, "Well sir, it's a purpose-built bike." and "You know, form over function." When I finally laid down the cash and signed all the papers, I asked him to give me his honest assessment of the bike's appearance. He finally admitted, "Yeah, it's pretty damn ugly."





Not to be completely outdone, Harley stuck their foot in the ugly bike gene pool with the abomination they call the Rocker. What the hell were they thinking?
The old original Super-Glide with its hideous boat-tail seat and red white and blue paint job was pretty bad too back in the day.

 
In my opinion the ugly prize goes to the Victory Vision. Victory was being optimistic in calling this thing a "Vision." Nightmare, maybe, hallucination possibly, but visions like this should be reserved for bad acid trips and horror movies. This atrocious spaceship looks like a designer, fired from NASA for failing the drug test, took an oversized '58 Cadillac tail fin and stuck an antiseptic V-twin engine in it, then wrapped it in some leftover Polaris snowmobile plastic.


The V-Strom, no beauty to be sure, is ugly due to its lack of cosmetics. In trying to differentiate themselves from Harley, the designers of the Vision and their overuse of cosmetics created a horrific, space-age nightmare.

Just my opinion, and as we all know opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and most of them stink.....
.....or have large, orange vuvuzelas hanging out of them.

7 comments:

  1. Interesting observations, had a 71 superglide,would actually like to have it back. Rat bikes are great fun,scrapes and dings,no worry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep B.C. those bikes are collector's items now and , unmolested, worth a lot of money. As is the cafe racer Sportster, another late- AMF, Willie G. experiment which didn't sell. (I thought them kinda' cool) He was on the right track as it turns out.

      Delete
  2. My 77 Honda CX 500 fits the ugly bike label. The fellow on the step-through looks like he's ready for his tobacco smoke enema....except he doesn't look like he's drowning...maybe he just likes having smoke blown up ...there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd place your CX 500 in the "different" category as opposed to ugly HL.

      Delete
    2. The Brits refer to them as 'plastic maggots'...maybe not so ugly,I always thought they looked like the illigitimate offspring of an old MotoGuzzi 750 Ambassador father, and a 1950's Royal Enfield single cylinder mother...kind of a half-breed like myself. Funny, it's the only V-Twin I currently own...but I always think of it as a parallel twin, The short stroke gives it kind of a Triumph like sound, or is that the rust holes in the mufflers?

      Delete
  3. Is that one of those hybrid powered amphibious motorcycles ? looks like he has has a bucket for empting the the crab traps when hes under the surface.
    Aside from the fashionable retro prison issue dungaree denims hes all function over form. A true iconoclast, turning our sacred cows into dogmeat.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I believe it is indeed a hybrid Kaalvn, a bean-fuled flatulence propelled vehicle with a combustion motor backup.

    ReplyDelete