Monday, June 24, 2013

Monday Badass

Sukiyaki Suzy was fast with an Uzi
She carried it most of the time

She was the knock-kneed Ninja Railroad cop
Who could break a man’s neck with a karate chop
On the Tokyo-Yokohama Line

She was quite the sensation on that small Island Nation
Her granddad marched the boys in Bataan

And though it rendered her infertile, she wore a tight Spandex girdle
And glasses just like Elton John

If a hobo should dare, hop a train with her there
He’d be beaten with a stout bamboo shoot

Suzy’d kick him and bruise him
Completely abuse him
With the toes of her black Go-Go boots

But Suzy was moody
Her demeanor quite gloomy
It seemed life had lost all its magic

She suffered and cried, feeling empty inside
And her demise was fitting yet tragic

With all her days filled with strife, Suzy took her own life
As she lay down on the tracks last September

When a fast moving freight, going ‘bout ninety-eight
Caused her head to be quickly dismembered.


  1. R.I.P Suzy, I'm certain that were she still with us Herm she would be bashfully overjoyed to be remembered so fittingly by the Blogland Bard, there's no rhyming couplets on you brother . . . check my bloglist when you get a-round-tuit.

  2. Had to leaf through the old Thorndike Barnhart to look up "bard."
    Thanks on both counts Mate.

  3. This is the coolest ad for Spanx that I've ever seen. Sick rhymes as well MC Hermie.

  4. Her BF Teriyaki Teri has never gotten over Suzys early demise...

  5. "Spanx" wasn't found in the Thorndike Barnhart but a Google search revealed the name of Suzy's mode of dress. No infertility warnings, however.

    Sushi Luci was so distraught she drank four bottles of sake and couldn't make it to the funeral.