Thursday, May 2, 2013

Guardian of the Realm

"Some call him the Gangster of Love,
Some people call him Maurice. ..."

....but he's not. He's Mudflap, a dog of unquestionable integrity.  Whelped 'neath an abandoned pickup truck and wet nursed by a she-wolf in the vast Canadian wilderness, he grew to possess a combination of raw speed and astounding brute strength. He is quite capable of running down swift antelope or snapping the femur of a bull moose with his vise-like jaws. With his incredible quickness and uncanny reflexes he can snatch a freshly broiled pork chop off the table with the flick of his tongue, like a lizard catching flies on the outhouse wall. One time, in a formidable display of willpower and determination,  he swallowed a dish rag which passed completely through his digestive system with little or no affect on his personality or unflappable self-confidence.

Even though his testicles were snatched from the jaws of victory in a painful, pre-pubescent surgical procedure, he's forgiven me and has become a trusted companion and an effective protector of the vast and complicated Interplanetary Hermit Hovel Compound.


  1. I just called him Maurice before I knew his origin story. Obviously after reading this Mudflap is more fitting. I will allow you to name your own dog on this one. Maybe consider Maurice for the middle name. He looks like a great dog.

  2. If you have a piece of sharp cheddar cheese or a hot dog in your hand, he'll come if you call him Maurice ......
    ......or Steve or Mr. Whipple or Salley or Uncle Waldo or Shithead..........

    1. Sally with an E. How bourgeois. I don't blame him about the hotdog and cheddar cheese though. That's a tasty combo. That shitty dishrag must have been laced with it.

  3. I found my late great Pete, under a dead Econoline van...after investigating the claims of the neighbor kids that there 'was some kind of animal under your truck mister...'. I truly believe the best dogs are found, especially under old trucks.
    Is Mudflap gaurding a helicopter landing pad on the compound there Hermit?

  4. Close Larry, he's gaurding the highly classified interplanetary launch pad against all enemies, foreign or domestic.

  5. Dogs really do make the best people.