Snapping turtles are the scourge of the open waters, and by open waters I mean mosquito infested brackish ponds, and prey upon ducklings and full grown ducks alike.
If you see a one-legged duck or goose, it is most likely the work of a snapping turtle.
When I noticed my resident ducks were fearful of going into the pond I suspected a snapper had them spooked. Sure enough, I caught the culprit making his way across dry land one morning, and with lightning quickness and agility, was able to capture it for removal. Of course my son and I had to harass him with a length of PVC pipe after I got it into the bed of the truck and caused me to reflect upon this behavior, and ponder its causation.
What is it about a snapping turtle that brings out the imbecilic twelve-year-old in all men, regardless of age?
For it is true, that when caught, a snapper must be prodded, poked, harassed and humiliated. It is instinctual and crosses all economic, societal and cultural boundaries.
I believe it is the hissing, lumbering prehistoric nature of a snapping turtle that excites a primeval instinct in all men and boys to prove their mettle by fucking with something that, no matter how remote the chance, might hurt them.
In fact, Greek mythology tells the tale of Orion, God of Turtle Prodding, being placed by Zuess among the stars as a constellation.
Deep down we're all just imbecilic twelve year olds.
I like turtles.
ReplyDeleteYes Laura, many consider them a delicacy. But they emit a foul odor and I find nothing even remotely appetizing about them.
DeleteI have yet to try turtle soup. Most likely it tastes like chicken. So I'm in no rush.
DeleteWe used to catch these prehistoric throw backs back when I was about twelve down in Missouri, they will take the business end of a hot cigar and not let go. Bad ass critters, Lord help ya if one gets your finger or anything else that matters.
ReplyDeleteYep BC they're also surprisingly quick and their necks are longer than you might think. The one in the video almost ate my smart phone!
DeleteWith some of us it's not even deep down . . . but I think I could still resist the temptation of fucking with these carapace clad caravaning carnivores and having any or all of my distal or intermediate phalanges ripped off in primordial revenge.
ReplyDeleteI confess Whitey, my inner twelve-year-old lies just beneath a thin veneer of dignity and quasi-maturity.
DeleteReminds me of your countryman who liked to fuck with crocodiles, but met his ironic death at the hands of a jellyfish or horseshoe crab or some shit.
Very Darwinian.
Very Darwinian indeed mate, in a most spectacular and promo sympathetic way . . .
DeleteUp north we have the common snapping turtle which can get fairly large. Don't know about Missouri, but I know in parts of the south live the alligator snapper which can get huge. They all seem to have really bad attitudes.
ReplyDeleteFor crying out loud, for the sake of your family and friends...post a "No Skinny Dipping" sign on that pond...somebody might lose a 'pinky'....
ReplyDeleteChuck Berry can now safely swim across the pond with no fear of losing his ding-a-ling.
DeleteWell... being from the so called "Deep South" (Central Fl.)We have the Softshell Snapper and the Alligator Snapper both of which taste great when Battered and Deep Fried ! I think that we are supposed to Poke at em' with sticks (Or PVC Pipe)and Capture them when ever possible. Primal... Bored... Hell even Stupid who cares!!! Its FUN!
ReplyDeletePrimal, bored and stupid is the way I roll Paul.
Delete